Tuesday, June 19, 2012

A Book of Secrets

I wrote a book. We wrote a book.
It will never be published and it will never be read.
It is over 12 thousand messages long.
It spans over almost a year.
Its plot is sometimes repetitive but never dull.
It could be a book on human nature.
It expresses and explores the extremes of emotion and their effects.
It could be a book on love.
It is fast-paced, short-lived, ever-lasting.
It could be a book on regret.
An end in the distance, the silence, the unease of a shift in dynamics and in intention.
It could be a book on ambition.
The potential and arrogantly realistic expectation for the future, the appreciation and shaky invincibility of the present.
It could be a book on blame.
Ourselves and each other, in equal parts.
It could be a book on truth.
Personal, unchanging, stubborn and often assumed truths.
It could be a book on fear.
The fear of happiness, of consequence, of disappointing, of the unknown.
It could be a book on realisation.
The bar has been raised, the standard has been set.
It could be a book on instinct.
To push, pull, laugh, cry, accuse, assume, believe.
It is a book on everything, anything, always and forever.

Thursday, April 19, 2012

Moral Dilemma

I need to be smart. I need to play this game. Anything but owning up to the truth. Never the truth. I need to anticipate your moves in order to cover my back. I failed. I anticipated wrong. I overestimated your ability to lie and underestimated your capacity to forgive. I backed into a corner thinking I was headed to an open field. A field of lies. I'll take the lies, any day. To the grave. Never the truth. You didn't play by the rules. We agreed. You caved and snatched me away from my field. It takes two to tango. I tangoed in the wrong direction. Towards my field. I want to be in my field. I could breathe in my field. I can't breathe in this corner.

Silence. I'd do the same. Exactly the same. Maybe a little different. But exactly the same. Silence. Silence. Anticipation.

This corner is suffocating me. I can't breathe. Where's my field. I want my comforting lies back. Never bring a second and unreliable party to the field. It's yours. Nobody is reliable. I can't breathe. But never the truth. Try another direction. Let's play a game. Be resourceful. Use what you can. Blackmail. It's a sticky situation so watch your back. Always watch your back. Don't fail again. Anticipate the reaction. How good can a person be. How honest. He can't be this honest. Everybody's dark on the inside. Be careful. It could be the biggest mistake you make. Never the truth. Anticipate and plan accordingly. Never the truth.